I think one of the greatest insights I picked up this year was to do with relationships. All my life I’ve got a kick out of making people feel good, feel happier, to lighten up; through my performance work, my coaching… any way I could, really. I tended to date men that I could see I made a difference for. They liked me because I made them feel happier than when they were without me.

This felt good for a while but I soon found, in the longer term, this was an exhausting process. Eventually I would feel less inspired to keep the smile on their face. If felt like I was doing all the work. As my enthusiasm dwindled, they would blame me for just “not doing it” for them any more. I felt guilty because I agreed with them that I had let them down. We both expected me to perform and I was not keeping up with the expectations.

Being Responsible For Your Happiness

I already knew that it’s up to each of us to keep ourselves happy. It’s no one else’s job. I just hadn’t applied that principal to myself.

Now I fill myself with so much happiness and love I no longer need it from others. You’d think that if I did that I would just stay by myself for the rest of my life, right? All alone nattering like the Cat Lady keeping my own company?

Not so!

When I do that, two things happen.

1) I am filled to overflowing. As I focus on building my own reserve of love and happiness it’s like my cup overflows. Now, when I want to give love and laughter to someone else I have more than enough to give. I am not drawing on my reserves and giving it at my own expense leaving me exhausted.

2) Law of Attraction says LIKE ATTRACTS LIKE. I attract in a mate who also no longer “needs” love. He doesn’t need me to make him happy. So we can be happy side by side and the relationship is SO much easier. Not hard work at all.

Giving up the need to be needed and focusing on just being together is a very different kind of relationship.

Action Plan for the New Year

Think about how you might alter your relationships – all of them – in the New Year to match this principal. Think about your partner, your children, parents, siblings, neighbours, friends, workmates. Encourage them to find their own happiness and ease off the duty of chief smiley face so you can build your own reserve, feel completely at ease and filled with happiness within yourself with excess to share if you are so inclined.

It can be a bit of a drag when you first introduce them to the idea – especially if they have become reliant on you. Some patience and persistence will be required for a while and then you can congratulate each step they take to being independently happy.

You’ll be amazed how much more delightful life can be and you’ll be filled with more energy and vitality.

Have a wonderful Christmas and New Year!

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