Energetic Work Post Mortem Suicide Healing

For a couple of days I’d put off the suggestion from Mercredan to draw my suicide friend out of the Grey Zone. I didn’t know how “uncomfortable” it was going to be. I didn’t know how long I would need to set aside to do it or, quite frankly, if I had the balls to face someone in such a strained state of mind. Then, last night my usual trail of every day type thoughts soon faded to the inner talk and criticisms of Sophia entering my mind again. I knew it was time to tackle it. It was 9.30pm and the time felt right. So I settled down to meditate, committed to staying in the zone as long as it felt OK to be there.

I pictured approaching her. She was rolled into foetal position in the “grey zone” hair covered her face – the zone had no ground, no walls, no features, just like heavy smelly dark grey fog. I stood there imagining myself holding a lantern and glowing myself with love for her. Just standing, offering gentle words. I felt pretty confident at this stage, quite strong. Yep, I can do this.

She had all the excuses why she deserved to be where she was. I offered different strategies to convince her which she rejected, would soften, I would get a glimmer of hope from her like a child seeing maybe she could be valuable as I said she was but, then she would sink again. She took my hand at one point but then pulled back, lay down and said this was all she deserved.

I kept the discipline of not making up anything, not adding details from my brain, not deliberately bending the story to fit my imagination. Simply to be a warm glow worm, waiting for the next move.

Then she started to get angry and tried to do things to me. First they were childish, then they were violent. I told her there wasn’t much point being violent as I wasn’t here in my body just like she wasn’t.

It didn’t stop her. She started doing worse things. I can’t remember all of them, only that at one point she cut my hand off half way up the forearm. I played along and had blood pour out like the “Bad Taste” show, then staggered about like a really bad actor until she laughed. She was an actress so laughing at bad acting felt appropriate. The fooling around lightened her up a bit and I invited her to leave this grey zone again.

In the end she took my hand. We started walking. I asked if she would like to sing a song. She wanted “Follow the yellow brick road” so we started doing the skipping dance from the movie and singing the words. We were having fun.

I don’t know where we went. No blue skies or angels or anything. It just stopped. It felt complete. Done within about 20-40 minutes. Could it be that easy? I wondered if I was just making it easy for myself. I listened to see if there was any more inner talk and couldn’t hear it.

This morning I feel it is complete. It doesn’t feel like there is anything more to do there.  Was it real? Did it happen? Am I happily telling myself I’ve done this and actually left her in the dark? It doesn’t feel that way. Each time I try to tune in to her the message comes back “She is gone. She is gone.”

Being easy maybe showing me this is a natural gift. The main goal right now is to find my most natural gifts and align my career with them. Could this be a gift of mine? Could it really be used for such a noble purpose?

I will check in with Mercredan again next week and see if I made an impact.

Read his answer here in the next session near the end.

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